STILL ON THE RACK
LIONMUG
a ceramic souvenir mug with a stranger's face printed on the side. bought at a kiosk with no return policy and a lot of confidence.
time loitering at the rack: 0:00
the gift shop
everything on this rack came off the same delivery truck. most of it did not survive the season.
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keychain
sold out
left in someone's pocket in 2019 and never came back.
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shot glass
sold out
cracked in the box before it ever held anything.
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snow globe
sold out
the snow settled wrong. management chose not to look into it.
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fridge magnet
sold out
held up a grocery list for six years. outlived the fridge.
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bobblehead
sold out
the head came off in shipping. the box still says "collectible".
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tote bag
sold out
handle snapped at the airport, right on schedule.
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postcard
sold out
nobody ever bought a stamp for it. it just sat there.
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the mug
in stock
the only thing left on the rack. everyone else already picked through the rest.
take it home
items inspected: 0
certificate of authenticity
no. SKU_047_NOT_SCANNED_YET
this certifies that the mug pictured on this page is a genuine, dishwasher-questionable souvenir, manufactured under conditions nobody asked about, and sold at a markup nobody questioned either.
the printed portrait is guaranteed to be recognizable from across a room and from no distance whatsoever.
this certificate is not legal, notarized, or particularly convincing.